Minutes

That's all I have. By 7:30 I will be set apart as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I cannot express to you all the things that are going through my mind, because I am not quite sure what they are. I have a mix of emotions that are pounding through me every second. Mostly, I feel excitement. I feel like a surreal blur of adventure is getting closer and closer into my view. I will no longer wonder what my mission will be like; I am going to live it. I have this anxiety that I am not well enough prepared, that I don't know enough, that I am not strong enough to be a successful missionary. I do know however, that I love my Savior. He has been my closest, most caring friend. He has never been a disappointment to me, though I have been so many times over. I know without a doubt that He lives. I know that He knows and loves each of God's children infinitely. I am so excited to be His hands and bringing others unto Him. He blessed me with a mom who I could not be more like. I love her for all that she is, and all that she does for me. Her testimony, and my dad's testimony got me where I am today because they lived it. I am so excited to be a missionary. It is the craziest, most perfect thing I have ever decided to do. Pray for me, and know I'm praying for you. Off to Utica, see you in 18.

19 Days for the 19-year-old

My heart just started beating faster from writing that title. I can't believe it. My future as a missionary has seemed so surreal for so long. Now every night, I go to bed a little more anxiously, knowing that when I wake up, I'm one day closer. (Okay let's be real, it's usually about 1 AM by the time I go to bed...so it's not like I am being super precise with this countdown; but still, I'm running on Mormon Standard Time which tells me that it's only Sunday once I've woken up from the previous night's sleep. Maybe I've begun to apply that to the other 6 days). So for whatever reason, I go to bed a little bit nervous, a whole lot excited, and mostly trying to dream about a life I have had only a small glimpse of. It's going to be hard. That's the first thing people tell me. 98% of the time it's followed up with some optimistic phrase beginning with "but", "it will be worth it" or "it's the best thing I've ever done" or "you're going to love it". I think the last phrase is my favorite. I mean, I know the first two are a given- It's the Lord's work, of course it's going to be the best and greatest and most 'of-worth' thing I'll ever do! I mean, I'm 19 years old privileged BYU college student; I haven't performed any great things, and my life certainly hasn't been that hard (though if you'd like to see my earlier opinions on that, I have a couple excerpts from a 12-year-old diary that I can very well perform a dramatic reading on).

I am excited to love it. I am excited to love the people I meet. I am excited to love what I do, everyday, and to love the Savior more. I am astounded how much more I have come to love and understand the scriptures. I read for myself and for my investigators, and it makes me so excited to share what I have found and feel with them. I have begun anticipating concerns or questions, or problems in life that they didn't think anyone had the answer to. It's an amazing feeling to be able to bring peace into someone's life-- to be the gate opener to the spirit of God, and let Him change people.

That girl is about to be a Sister Missionary.