It's getting hard to do my homework. So i thought that I would settle down a bit by blogging. I am so happy, I just didn't know how else to properly express it. Which is great, because I wasn't quite sure until I sat down just exactly why I was so happy. There has been a lot of simple excitement going on in my life. Over the break, I had the chance to stay in beautiful, sunny California and earn money for my mission. I would be an au pair to an eccentric little family in Los Angeles, and live under the Hollywood sign. I would get the kids up in the mornings and put them down at night, and get the rest of the day to roam one of the greatest cities in America. I would earn about $10,000-enough to fully pay for my mission- all while living a dream and traveling over the summer with the family. I would get Sundays off, and an internship with a Speech Pathologist. It was all too perfect. It wasn't right. I knew it almost instantly as I left the family's meet and greet. I didn't know why. It wasn't even a "you can make this decision because they are both good". It was a heartbreaking no. I have now found there are at least two reasons why I needed to be here:
I got called to be the Sunday School Teacher. I was so terrified the first time I taught. I didn't even know until the night before, when I was laying on my bed with the manual just crying. I felt like people expected too much out of me, and that it was just going to be a flop. I didn't want to be boring and redundant. Most of all, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to teach with the spirit, so I would be all alone, trying to drag out this horrible lesson to fill the time. It wasn't so. Well, at least to me. I feel like I get the most out of the lesson I prepare, and perhaps that's the purpose. I have found that when I start to write, I write things I didn't know I was thinking (hint, hint this drawn out blog).
My Missionary Prep class has been one of the most amazing blessings in my life. It will make me such a better missionary, a better student, a better follower of Christ, and a better Mom one day. I am, or nearly am, teary-eyed every class. I feel the spirit so much and I feel myself becoming more and more prepared to wear the name of Christ. I love that class. I know I couldn't have possibly missed it for the world. I know I would never have been so uplifted had I prepared on my own. I am so incredibly humbled that God would want me here, learning and growing, so that he could send me on a mission. I have never felt so sure of anything in my life. He wants me. I am judgmental, stubborn, and easily offended. I am not super outgoing, and have never been the greatest example of Christ-like attributes. I feel like my imperfections are so obvious. Yet I know the Lord is calling me on a mission. I am so excited it hurts.
With that excitement, I have become impatient. I submitted my papers 2 weeks ago and little things kept going wrong. I didn't check off a box on this form; my doctor's phone number wasn't written down... and I had to wait and wait and wait. I thought it would only be a couple days later I would get my final interview with my Stake President and off they would go to Salt Lake City to decide where I should go. I was getting frustrated. They kept telling me this day, and then the next, until finally it was a week past when they said they could take me. I was getting annoyed and just wanted to know where I was going. I went to the temple and just felt this peace that it in the end, it all wouldn't matter how long I waited. I was going to go just the same, and I would be blessed for it. I thought of my family and how I hoped my service and commitment would bless them. I thought of my future, and just felt this overwhelming peace that it was going to be amazing, and to just be patient. That I would get my call, and I should be grateful for the time I have to be excited and wonder and pray about it. My interview is tomorrow.
I have also had this nagging fear that I am in the wrong major. I just haven't been in love with the classes (I mean, come on...anatomy nearly killed me and that was alongside a grammar course...) and was scared that I should be loving the classes, especially when I would need to complete graduate school in order to get a decent job. But I was scared that I didn't want to get out of it in fear of wasting money and time in classes that I've already taken. That I would just choose to stay in this major because I could make good money, and have good job placement, or that everyone else that has done it loves it. I had been praying to know if I was in the right major, and if not, to have the courage to leave it. I want to be happy, not stuck. Today, on my way to Speech Anatomy (which I had already decided to hate because of it's title) I ran into a group of first graders on a field trip. They were so energetic and happy and I just thought how fun and fulfilling my career would be working with them. I guess I got my answer.
So, as long winded as that is, I have found happiness.The Lord has been with me every day and that is such a blessing. I am so humbled that he has such a hand in my life, and that it is of importance to him. I am so humbled to know the answers to my prayers. I know I won't always get them as easily or quickly as I have lately, but I am savoring the time that I do. It is amazing to feel like I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right things.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Monday, December 24, 2012
A Very, Merry Christmas
Being as I will be on a mission the next time Christmas comes around, I know it won't be the same. Among many of the grander and more important Christmas traditions, I won't even be able to post on my blog next Christmas. So, here's to my Christmas hurrah-
It came by way too quick. With being in school and struggling through my last finals, I didn't get the chance to even notice December roll around. By the time I caught my breath and was packed and ready to fly home, it was already the 14th. I figured 2 more weeks until Christmas is plenty to get my holiday fill... I was wrong. This was the quickest I've ever seen it come. I wish it would wait just a little bit longer.
This year I don't even know what to expect. I had no idea what to ask Santa for since I feel most of what I need should be for the mission, and I don't even know where I'm going yet. Luckily, I have the most creative mom in the world that is the absolute best in making specifically Christmas, but every important experience memorable and personalized. I'm scared for when I'm a mom and have to live up to the expectations I've set for myself by what I've grown up with. I guess you know you've been a good mother when your children feel inadequate to the job before they have even begun. Well played, Mom.
This might also be the last time I'm in a home where Santa still visits. If I miss 2 Christmases I am pushing my luck with Savannah still believing with 3 brothers ahead of her. I am lucky enough to have witnessed all these years of the miracle of Santa working in my house. It might be the best part of being the oldest of so many kids. I publicly believed in Santa for a bit longer than most; now it's more of an inward appreciation for the Big Man. He's done so much for me over the years that my thanks could never be enough. The magic of Christmas is something that is incredibly special to me.
Lastly, I want to remember the children of Sandy Hook Elementary. They became a pivotal part of this Christmas. I am so thankful to have my family, to have a Christmas un-scarred by devastation, and most of all to have the knowledge of eternal life. I know they returned to a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I know that they are happy and safe. I am grateful that moreso this season I was able to remember the sanctity of Jesus' atonement, and not just his birth. That he has felt each of their family's pain and sorrow, and that through him, they can be comforted.
I love Christmas, and the special spirit of it all that spreads to everyone. Now, it's just trying to keep it around all year :)
Merry Christmas!
It came by way too quick. With being in school and struggling through my last finals, I didn't get the chance to even notice December roll around. By the time I caught my breath and was packed and ready to fly home, it was already the 14th. I figured 2 more weeks until Christmas is plenty to get my holiday fill... I was wrong. This was the quickest I've ever seen it come. I wish it would wait just a little bit longer.
This year I don't even know what to expect. I had no idea what to ask Santa for since I feel most of what I need should be for the mission, and I don't even know where I'm going yet. Luckily, I have the most creative mom in the world that is the absolute best in making specifically Christmas, but every important experience memorable and personalized. I'm scared for when I'm a mom and have to live up to the expectations I've set for myself by what I've grown up with. I guess you know you've been a good mother when your children feel inadequate to the job before they have even begun. Well played, Mom.
This might also be the last time I'm in a home where Santa still visits. If I miss 2 Christmases I am pushing my luck with Savannah still believing with 3 brothers ahead of her. I am lucky enough to have witnessed all these years of the miracle of Santa working in my house. It might be the best part of being the oldest of so many kids. I publicly believed in Santa for a bit longer than most; now it's more of an inward appreciation for the Big Man. He's done so much for me over the years that my thanks could never be enough. The magic of Christmas is something that is incredibly special to me.
Lastly, I want to remember the children of Sandy Hook Elementary. They became a pivotal part of this Christmas. I am so thankful to have my family, to have a Christmas un-scarred by devastation, and most of all to have the knowledge of eternal life. I know they returned to a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I know that they are happy and safe. I am grateful that moreso this season I was able to remember the sanctity of Jesus' atonement, and not just his birth. That he has felt each of their family's pain and sorrow, and that through him, they can be comforted.
I love Christmas, and the special spirit of it all that spreads to everyone. Now, it's just trying to keep it around all year :)
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
I Hope They Call Me...
There are so many things I have wanted to talk about and need to catch up on, yet have fallen so behind. Because I just took my last final for my Fall 2012 semester, I am now freed from the bonds of the pain of Anatomy and mental breakdowns to do so.
I could rant for hours about how this semester was incredibly difficult, and such a disappointment to me.
I could also write about the excitement of Christmas and to go home.
Technically I never wrote about any of my summer adventures; I could write about that too.
But mostly I just want to write about what has had me on edge since October 6, 2012.
I could rant for hours about how this semester was incredibly difficult, and such a disappointment to me.
I could also write about the excitement of Christmas and to go home.
Technically I never wrote about any of my summer adventures; I could write about that too.
But mostly I just want to write about what has had me on edge since October 6, 2012.
I am indescribably happy about the opportunity to serve a mission so soon. From the minute I heard this announcement, I immediately burst into tears, and didn't stop for a solid hour and a half. I was overcome with such a spirit that I have never in my life felt in that way before. I know this is my Heavenly Father's plan for me and I am so blessed to fulfill it. I have started my papers and want to get it in as close to January 1st as possible, and hope to leave sometime in May. With everything I have been frustrated and disappointed in recently, I am incredibly anxious to be able to serve the Lord, and I think that puts things into perspective very well...and for that, I am grateful!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Exhaustion
is bittersweet.
I feel like I am doing so much with my days that that is all I ever truly feel.
But hey, how often has that ever occurred in the days of my procrastination?
Not oft.
I feel accomplished in a small sense.
I RAN TODAY!
This never happens!
I DESPISE running. I want to like it so much, and mentally, cannot.
I finally got running shoes whose original owner was myself.
They are beautiful.
I need them to condition for Rugby.
Boo yah! I like contact sports.
Also I am trying to swing an A in Anatomy, which is notorious for killing the students who are foolish enough to undergo it.
But hey, I ran! Today is the start of a great year.
I feel like I am doing so much with my days that that is all I ever truly feel.
But hey, how often has that ever occurred in the days of my procrastination?
Not oft.
I feel accomplished in a small sense.
I RAN TODAY!
This never happens!
I DESPISE running. I want to like it so much, and mentally, cannot.
I finally got running shoes whose original owner was myself.
They are beautiful.
I need them to condition for Rugby.
Boo yah! I like contact sports.
Also I am trying to swing an A in Anatomy, which is notorious for killing the students who are foolish enough to undergo it.
But hey, I ran! Today is the start of a great year.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
19 Things before 19
It's 12:52 and I'm laying in bed...just thinking. I'm not tired and I'm not energetic, just in a weird daze. I think this is inspiration telling me to get back into writing. Just something. It knows I've missed it. There is so much to catch you up on... I feel like life has driven by in a blur. That's a scary thought...considering I only hear people over 35 tell me how fast their life goes by. But here I am; no longer a freshman and now middle class. At home for longer than 2 weeks for the first time in 10 months. I managed by the miracle of all miracles, to swing an A in Political Science, which has kept me in high spirits. And you, lucky reader, are officially reading the sporadic life-tales of an officially declared Communication Disorders Major. Next week I start my official summer job as one of Chino Hills' finest Recreation Leaders, and have spent my empty hours babysitting a couple high maintenance kids along the way. I have loved the break and being back home. California just makes me happy, and for that, nobody can compete against it :) I have also avoided the ranks of the desolate local Singles Ward, and headed off for a change in scenery in Fullerton. I have loved the people I met there & I'm hoping to gather some great accomplices in the completion of the 19 items before 19 (considering the end of summer marks my 19th birthday and the first day of school, it seems a fair idea) :
1. Visit the Happiest Place on Earth (I am without a pass and have no plans to renew..Cast Member Friends please? I need Fantasmic!)
2. Learn how to surf (seriously..I really should be entitled to keep up the Californian Stereotype & it's been on my list for awhile)
3. Camping on the beach (what's the eggplant for anyway, if not to rove around the coast?)
4. Relatedly, inner tubing on the ocean
5. develop a style from a trendy thrift store in Hollywood
6. stay in a haunted house
7. build a fort
8. Six Flags!!!!
9. summa lovin' = time for a real date.
10.get abs.
11. tandem bike, for nerdly fun
12. teach the moonlit skin of mine to express its 1/4 black goodness
13. make some $$ to take back to school
14. visit Ellen Degeneres again
15. roadtrip!
16. can I see Wicked for the 5th time?
17. midnight premiere of The Dark Knight o'course
18. Roscoes Chicken n' Waffles in LA
19. Confidence. I'm gonna do what I want.
Until then, happy Summer '12 from the west coast!
1. Visit the Happiest Place on Earth (I am without a pass and have no plans to renew..Cast Member Friends please? I need Fantasmic!)
2. Learn how to surf (seriously..I really should be entitled to keep up the Californian Stereotype & it's been on my list for awhile)
3. Camping on the beach (what's the eggplant for anyway, if not to rove around the coast?)
4. Relatedly, inner tubing on the ocean
5. develop a style from a trendy thrift store in Hollywood
6. stay in a haunted house
7. build a fort
8. Six Flags!!!!
9. summa lovin' = time for a real date.
10.get abs.
11. tandem bike, for nerdly fun
12. teach the moonlit skin of mine to express its 1/4 black goodness
13. make some $$ to take back to school
14. visit Ellen Degeneres again
15. roadtrip!
16. can I see Wicked for the 5th time?
17. midnight premiere of The Dark Knight o'course
18. Roscoes Chicken n' Waffles in LA
19. Confidence. I'm gonna do what I want.
Until then, happy Summer '12 from the west coast!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Goodbye, 2011.
I am not even sure where to begin.This was definitely the year of new beginnings. Ending high school and moving forward with my life. Leaving my home, my friends, family and everything familiar behind me, and moving to The Bubble. I embrace most change, I like to be in a different place with a new schedule and new experiences. I was undoubtedly excited to leave behind high school. I don't think I missed it until graduation day-but then a week later I got over it and started Summer Term here at BYU. There is nothing super outstanding that altered the course of my life forever...but all the little things added up to one pretty good year.
To sum it up, I will give you a list in no particular order. In 2011 I...
- finally reached adulthood.
- spent the last of my senior year most often in Disneyland.
- got Pluto to shuffle, jerk, and ask me to Prom.
- then found a real prom date(some kid I never met, at another school) 1 day before the deadline to buy tickets. I consider that somewhat impressive.
- dressed as Hagrid to the midnight premiere of the final Harry Potter. (tear-jerking, really.)
- spent the night on a lifeguard tower, illegally, on the beach.
- saw Phantom of the Opera
- learned to forgive (a daunting task)
- had a one week summer vacation
- dyed Annie's hair with sugared kool-aid
- drank a smoothie at least 3 times a week (work..gotta love it)
- saw The Plain White T's, Jack Johnson, and Michael Buble.
- got accepted to a school I don't deserve
- kidnapped my best friend and drove (in buckets of rain) to a hotel on the beach at midnight
- last bullet then causing me to dress up as Jake, the yellow dog from Adventure Time to do so
- discovered the joy of Lost and the hilarity of How I Met Your Mother
- fought off a potential lesbian
- bought baby dolls for a football game
-decided who will be the boy that I marry
- became the victim of a very enthusiastic stalker named "Oooh Wee"
- mastered The Eggplant
-discovered what I want to be when I grow up
- gave a lesson on the art of making-out
- went from $3,000 to a solid $244.31 in a matter of 4 months
-wished on 11:11:11 11/11/11
-saw the Prophet speak (in person, yes)
- had "the most fun in years" by laughing deliriously
-sat in the FRONT ROW at my hilarious friend, Ellen Degeneres' show
-began a blog and a few special journals to document this little thing I call life...
and were it not for the divine destiny of the last night of 2011, I consequently, would never have experienced the best day of 2012. more will come soon (;
Sunday, December 25, 2011
are you having a holly, jolly Christmas?
This meant to be a Christmas Eve post, but then suddenly it became 12. So...Merry Christmas! There are so many things I want to write about. Christmas is my favorite time of year, and there are so many traditions and memories and things I am looking forward to. It always seems to go by too quickly. Every adult says, "each year gets faster!" I couldn't imagine life moving faster than it is right now. I am a little sad when Christmas comes because I am so depressed the day after. I never soak in enough Christmasness. Mostly I miss being a kid on Christmas. That was the BEST anticipation. I am sure I believed in Santa until I was 11, definitely the winner in my family. That year I even got a special letter from Santa thanking me for believing in him so long. (I am a very emotional person, and that year was depressing...as much for me as probably my mother) She is always doing sweet things, and finding the perfect surprises for everyone. I am jealous because I know I am not that great of a gift-giver, creative type person. I'm scared to be a Santa for kids because I wish I could be that thoughtful.
Away from the cold and in a 75 degree Christmas (I don't care what anyone has to say about California...this is the BEST), this is about as close to snow as I will get this year!
I am going to share with you some Christmas traditions that I love-
#1 Christmas Food!
On Christmas Eve we eat clam chowder (ironically a tradition from both sides of my family). My dad makes it each year and it has become his staple.
Christmas morning after our Santa presents and stockings we get orange rolls and sausage. SO YUMMY. This only happens once a year and it is the absolute best. It's like dessert at 9 am.
Christmas dinner- Oh man. No turkey. No ham. Prime rib and twice baked potatoes. Our house smells warm and delicious for the entire day leading up to the prime rib. And the potatoes- my favorite. Ugh. This tradition will never leave me.
#2 Christmas Pj's
We get to open one present on Christmas Eve- and it's always new pajamas. This year's pj's rocked! I asked for some yoga pants in a nice neutral color since the only type of comfy pants I wear around are fire engine red sweatpants. Then my siblings started unwrapping theirs & they all had pretty sweet looking footsies. I was jealous. I opened this lil' number and BAM! All I saw were the kitty foots. Discaimer: I don't like cats, but this print was so wild, I knew these cats were special. The pj's even have POCKETS. I have been wanting footie pj's for quite some time now & couldn't find the perfect pair. Mama for the win.
#3 The Forgotten Carols
We always decorate our tree to The Forgotten Carols. I hadn't been home this year so I decided to look up the songs on youtube, and I realized how little I had actually listened to the meaning of the songs. My dad has sung a few of them throughout the years in church, and he's amazing. The songs are so different than the average Christmas Carols. They tell stories of people throughout Christ's life- like the innkeeper who wished he hadn't turned them down, Joseph, who told people that Christ was his father through his suffering and crucifixion, and a woman who held the baby Jesus. They are really something special.
#4 the, the, the... THE GRINCH
I LOVE the Grinch. These past couple years I have finally understood all the smart comments and cultural references- and they're hilarious! I quote this movie very often, and I don't think many people recognize it.
"If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key."
"Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty."
"Well, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville."
"Nice kid... baaad judge of character."
"Oh. Bleeding hearts of the world UNITE."
"5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one"
#5 "Homeless Bagging"
Yes, that is what my 6- year old sister called it today. Each Christmas Eve we take bags filled with water, food, blankets, socks and such and deliver it to people on the streets. It has always been a great tradition to prepare something for people and actually see and meet the people you are helping. It always brings a lot of joy to us when we get to serve these people...and hopefully one day my siblings can see to be a little less selfish because we already have so much more than we need. This is one of my favorite traditions and have been inspired to do it more often than just the holiday season.
Merry Christmas, more is sure to come!
I am going to share with you some Christmas traditions that I love-
#1 Christmas Food!
On Christmas Eve we eat clam chowder (ironically a tradition from both sides of my family). My dad makes it each year and it has become his staple.
Christmas morning after our Santa presents and stockings we get orange rolls and sausage. SO YUMMY. This only happens once a year and it is the absolute best. It's like dessert at 9 am.
Christmas dinner- Oh man. No turkey. No ham. Prime rib and twice baked potatoes. Our house smells warm and delicious for the entire day leading up to the prime rib. And the potatoes- my favorite. Ugh. This tradition will never leave me.
#2 Christmas Pj's
#3 The Forgotten Carols
We always decorate our tree to The Forgotten Carols. I hadn't been home this year so I decided to look up the songs on youtube, and I realized how little I had actually listened to the meaning of the songs. My dad has sung a few of them throughout the years in church, and he's amazing. The songs are so different than the average Christmas Carols. They tell stories of people throughout Christ's life- like the innkeeper who wished he hadn't turned them down, Joseph, who told people that Christ was his father through his suffering and crucifixion, and a woman who held the baby Jesus. They are really something special.
#4 the, the, the... THE GRINCH
"If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key."
"Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty."
"Well, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville."
"Nice kid... baaad judge of character."
"Oh. Bleeding hearts of the world UNITE."
"5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one"
#5 "Homeless Bagging"
Yes, that is what my 6- year old sister called it today. Each Christmas Eve we take bags filled with water, food, blankets, socks and such and deliver it to people on the streets. It has always been a great tradition to prepare something for people and actually see and meet the people you are helping. It always brings a lot of joy to us when we get to serve these people...and hopefully one day my siblings can see to be a little less selfish because we already have so much more than we need. This is one of my favorite traditions and have been inspired to do it more often than just the holiday season.
Merry Christmas, more is sure to come!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)